It's been a month now since the nerves between C4, 5 and 6 decided they could take it no longer and simultaneously blew out. Agonising pain down radiating down my neck, into my shoulder blade, down my left arm and racing over my forearm into my hand. Pain that was relieved only temporarily when I raised my left arm. Physio, doctor, painkillers, chiropractor (several times), x-rays and finally I am left with stabs of warning for any incautious movement and a (I hope not permanently) numb left forefinger on the end bit. Occasionally my right hand starts to deaden too. The space between 4, 5 and 6 has narrowed and my foramen (the holes where the nerves exit the vertebra) are compromised too.
We've tossed memory foam pillows at this new challenge, a new computer monitor, a wobble stool (yes, it wobbles), a neck brace, pilates classes, raised keyboard, lumbar pillow and more. Compressed disks are not fun and I am trying to stand head tall at all times instead of my usual slouch. Oh gosh.
Moments of despair and wondering if I will ever be able to swim again (avoiding neck extensions) or climb again. Walking is fine. Sitting not so fine. Picking up stuff is a no-no. Even bending to empty or fill the dishwasher is still sore. Driving has its moments.
Being sore sucks.
Yet, in the midst of massive medical costs - don't discount (ha ha) how expensive doctors and chiropractors and physios are - AND tax returns, I am so grateful for God's amazing provision for us.
Whenever I think of the pain of life, I am reminded that we are not promised "no pain" by Jesus, but given the promise that He will be with us, even to the end of the age. Whatever age I am given to live to, He will be with me.
I love kintsukuroi. I think our lives are more beautiful for the gold that melts into the broken places that make us imperfect but more real. So you can colour the picture below with some gold. You can't see it right now, but I know that it is there.
