I feel like Calvin...

This week just pounced on me!  Reading Dirty Glory by Pete Greig and doing a loud bathroom renovation (plus client work, kids, homework, house and extramurals). Makes for exploding head space, to say the least.

5am seems to be the time to think and process; at least, that seems to be my new wake up and (yawn - "Hi God") time. Oi vey. My heart needs renovation too.

It's strange

So I am sitting here in an empty movie theatre. Wondering who will come to watch Queen of Katwe. A movie about a young girl from the slums whose life is forever changed because she learnt to play chess. Wondering why, in a week where I have been listening out for God whispers, I am here, on my moms-night-off (Adam and kids are at the school camp out).

What are you wanting to say, God?

The first few people are arriving. A 60+ man tossing popcorn into his mouth. A row of tweens - sounds like German kids. A single lady, head down. A 70+ man with a crackly shopping bag and a large slab  of choc. Now some young Afrikaans kids with their dad. A young black couple, the guy caring and protective.

There is something you want to tell us all. May we have ears to hear, and hearts that are tender.

Sometimes I am scared of what you might say and what I might see. And then I am reminded that you are a Father who loves us. Sometimes I am scared my heart might break too.

Whispers and Dirty Glory

Strange title for a blog post, hey? The titles of the two books I am reading right now. One by Bill Hybel and the other by Pete Greig. Both are about daring to listen to what God whispers and then choosing to engage, in whatever way that unfolds. The guts to do something about what He whispers to our hearts.

Bill Hybels describes that terrifying feeling of adrenalin and fear that a racing driver experiences as he heads into an impossibly tight corner at high speed. Bear Grylls talks about the feeling you get when you are falling from 18,000 feet and your parachute opens. That feeling. The one where you know that the world won't end if you choose to say no, but that your world will forever be grey if you do say no. Grey and part of the everyday rat race of survival, paycheck, meals, laundry, comparison, blah and blah and blah.

To choose to listen, turn off the world's noise, oh, that is infinitely more scary. Terrifying, in fact. What words will He whisper? What nudging will I feel? Who will I actually see and have to engage with?

I have flown to a new country with nothing but R5000 in my pocket and only known one person in that country. I have stood by the hospital bed of someone I love and heard the life systems beep. I have hung out of helicopters on 100m lines. Rappelled some huge cliffs. Walked through the night following a headlamp in freezing mountain air to get to an injured climber. Rafted Grade 4 rapids down the New River in West Virginia. Said yes to a man and married him. I have given birth, twice. I have heard my child cry out in pain. Had to say goodbye to grandparents.

His voice is so quiet in the daily noise of my life. Yet the thrill of hearing that voice cannot be described. And I am addicted to the what-comes-next of saying yes. That mix of terror and adrenalin.

How amazing is this God who speaks? And through us (me), can bring His light to darkness, His hope to desperation, His healing to great hurts.

#GodLetMeHearAndSayYes