Wednesday, 2 December 2015

My white privilege?

Yes, I am white. And yes, I am so very privileged. I have a house with several bedrooms, two bathrooms. I do live below Main Road, but still above the line (railway line, for those who don't know Cape Town, a very important divide for some). I have a garden. We have a fridge that has food in it. And couches, a table or two, beds, clothes, lots of toys littering the floors of my children's bedrooms. I'm middle class and I had a university education (thank you to my parents and grandparents who saved for me). In the eyes of some, we are not wealthy. Yet I know that we are in the top 5% of wealth in our country and world. 

And I see the poor all around me. I read of fires and homelessness. I know of shacks and children who have no preschools. I hear the sirens wailing on the other side of the railway line. Crammed taxis, overloaded trains. Injustices at every age. 

Yet I get to hear the stories of proud parents whose small people graduated from home schools where all the (limited) supplies were donated. Of children who get their education round the wells or only in public libraries, or from a Toy Library bus. I know women who smile as they make do with scraps. Who freely offer hugs and love and encouragement to those who have so very much. Of men who take pride in the labour of each day, doing hard work well. 

Living between the haves and the have-nots is so very hard. This seems to be a very black and white line. I am white, and so many that I see struggling are black. 

I find myself weeping this morning. 

Dear people, so loved by our Father who died for us all (not just the ones who are the haves), won't you use my white privilege as the starting blocks for your race? My heart's desire is not to grab the ladder of success for myself. It's to kneel before you so that you can climb on my shoulders, and reach for more. For your goals. For your dreams. For hope. For both of our sakes. For all of our children's futures. 

I cannot lay down my white privilege. But I can offer it to you. I offer you my shoulders, my heart, and my hands. My voice to champion your cause.  

We are not one colour. But we are one multitude before His throne. 

------
Rev 7:9    After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands.

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

The (very) blurred line

I'm struggling with The Line. Well, not really me. It's not me that is struggling. I am struggling with where other people draw The Line. 

The Line Between... maybe what might seem like small things to other people, or a bit grey. But I wonder where the definition of grey falls. Does it have an e or an a? Maybe it's light coloured. Or a bit darker. It's a bit like that uncomfortable black white friendship that was mired down by racism. When we did not define what was NOT right by kind of being on the edges of it or by simply being friendly or nice or "not doing it". 

What's got me going? Halloween. Yoga. Fees must fall. Videos instead of the word of God. Seeker sensitivity. Paul was all things to all men, but he knew the line (having walked very widely to the white side of the Jewish line). 

Here are two of my lines.

The line on Halloween: http://prophezine.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1042%3A10-reasons-i-kissed-halloween-goodbye-&catid=41%3Atop-headlines

The line on yoga: https://www.edendecoded.com/blog-2/item/yoga

The line on race? Well, I'm meeting a friend for coffee on Thursday morning. And so looking forward to it. 

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Who knew?

Who knew the path that we would take
A child of laughter that would break
And find ourselves in such a mess
Of chemo, pain, despair and stress?

Feeding tubes and cries of "mom"!
Knowing there's nothing to be done
But to grip the Father's hand
And pray that He would help us stand

Who knew the tears that we would weep
Or the love that we would reap?
The friends who call and pray and give
So that we could simply, just, live

The high and lows, the ups and downs
The fleeting smiles, the pain-filled frowns
Weary as we fall on Grace
Through the day we see His face

Father, we hold on to Your hand
Knowing you too had to simply stand
We choose to trust you in this daze
You are our God, of all our ways.

(Praying for Mike and Mel as they walk the dark valley of chemo with little James. No one chooses to walk this path willingly. "Lord, you have searched me and you know me... Even if I rise on the wings of the dawn and settle on the far side of the sea, even there you will find me, yes, your right hand will hold me fast." Hold this family fast, Lord. Let them feel the comfort of your grasp. Let them know that they are not lost or forgotten by you.)

Monday, 19 October 2015

Setting my eyes on things above

Quote from https://mebeingreal.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/what-about-the-kids
I have a question.  Are we doing children’s ministry right?  I mean, is sending them to their classrooms for snacks and a craft and a cute Bible story the best way to do things?
What brings these questions up is an interview that I heard with Philip Mantofa about how his church does things in general.  If you don’t know who Philip Mantofa is a pastor in Indonesia.  His church has over 30,000 members, and he is only in his 30’s.  Most of the people on his staff are under 30, and groups (whether they be Sunday School classes, cell groups, or whatever) are led by all age groups, starting as young as 8.
When he was speaking about the children in his church, he basically said it was a shame to not think that children can respond well to God, and asked how a child could believe if the adults don’t think that the child can.  His statements blew me away because he is right.  Children can respond to the power and call of God, probably better than a lot of adults.  Why would we think otherwise?
My feelings in response: 

My friend's daughter speaks in tongues. She is 5. I yearn and long for that for my children who are 6 and 8. How DO we do church with kids? 

I'm not leading a church, but I can do something at home. 

I guess we need to lay aside Google and how to guides, and simply invite Holy Spirit to be part of our families. Not just a thank you at breakfast, lunch and supper. And we need to give time and space for our God to meet our children through worship, reading the Bible and prayer together. Such a challenge to model this in my family and to create these spaces. 

However, if it's important to me, I can't wait for someone to create a church programme or someone else to do the introductions for me. Or I might wake up and find out that my children are 18 and 16 and not really interested. Mom and Dad are nice people. 

(God, please win the hearts of my children!)

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Dear Child of Mine

Dear Child of mine

I see your life and vitality and I love your eagerness to please. Your heart is vibrant. I pray that you will encounter the God who so lovingly formed you to be this small package that simply bounces into a room. 

I pray that you will learn to harness your emotions and hopes, that you will find perseverance in your dreams, that your creativity would unfold in the presence of the God who created you. 

I pray for the man you will one day meet, fall in love with and marry. I pray that he would meet the God who will win your heart, and know the love of a Father who does not disappoint. I pray for you both to hold on, live without sexual regret, and find the gift of giving yourself to one person in your life for the rest of your life. 

So many prayers and hopes and dreams... I have so many in the midst of homework, meals, cleaning, dressing, baths, reading marathons and trying to turn your lights out. 

My daughter, you bring me to my knees as I plead for wisdom in how to parent you. As I fall on the grace of God again and again when I mess up those moments and when we clash hard on seemingly small things. 

I love you, my blonde curly-haired small girl. My greatest desire is not wealth for you, wisdom, humility or anything else. It's that you will fall in love with the God who so deeply, radically loves you and always has and always will. 

Your mom

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Grumble!

Ah, the intricacies of moving from one cellular network to another when you are not a name but some nameless entity, lost in the mass of swirling flotsam that comprises customers in some virtual world.  Grrrr. I am annoyed at my 'loss' and the theft of my more than 20-year old identity.

This is the mess-up of digital lifestyles and worlds. The morass of nothingness. Of listening to on-hold music and waiting to be found.

No wonder many in this life are so lost and unanchored. The demons of oblivion cling laughing to so many souls while their human hosts dive into cyberspace and are un-found. Only real in the world of make-believe. Surfacing less and less to sunshine and wind and distance and rain and...

While I rein in my temper (attempting to reflect Christ to those I fleetingly tell my tale of woe to), I do thank God that I live in a real world. With grass, people, life, kisses, hugs, small people, scraped knees and the ever-present "what's for lunch?" queries.

If my identity is bound inextricably into this irritating phone that is offline, then I am lost.

(Now that's a different perspective found in my grumbling rumblings).

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Walking and running

I have walked and I have run
I have played beneath the sun
I have cried between the waves
And I have been lifted up by Him who saves.

My path has not been in the valleys below
Where all is peaceful and quiet waters flow
My path has been through the high mountain peaks
Where rocks are stark and the horizon bleak.

I've walked in hidden valleys and I've run in the rain
I've sought His face again and again
And on the path that He's brought me I've walked without fear
Knowing He holds me in every year. 

Treasures are scare, precious, sometimes few
The face of a flower lifted and new
The people of pain and promise I meet
The ones for whom I can wash their sore feet. 

This is my path and He is my all
Heaven is watching and though I may fall
My God lifts me up and we will go higher
For He is my reward and my deep one desire. 

(For my dear friend Deb, who runs and walks in the hard-to-reach places of great beauty, love and pain: with healing in her hands and wisdom on her lips. Happy birthday, woman loved by your God.) 

Monday, 21 September 2015

Monday morning...

There's a sacred silence in my home this morning. The musical sounds of the dishwasher, a drip or two, breathing. A train in the distance. Birds. No builders yet!

When the Lord said that He would rebuild Jerusalem, I had no idea what building entailed. This small glimpse into the process as it happens in my own home has been enlightening. Dust, noise, heat, debris. To restore, you need to bash down and break down and cart rubble away. 

No wonder the process of rebuilding in our own lives is so hard!  It makes me fall on my knees and ask God to spare my family the hurt that will lead to the need to rebuild. 

(He makes all things new in his time.)

Thursday, 17 September 2015

Not so heavenly

But pure bliss! The house to myself for 20 minutes after a week of dust, noise, people in and out, banging, shouting, laughing, kids... My home is now strangely quiet.

I did not realise how much I savour silence, and how much I need it. Truly, this moment is to be inhaled like the aroma of fine wine. 

(Erm - carefully! There's still cement dust in the air!)

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

Rain and flowersofspringtime and kingdom

I have a friend who can play the rain from heaven. Notes of liquid music, and worship that ascends to open the storehouses of the Almighty. 

When the first notes sound, I hear and see the first fat drops of rain splashing into the dusty lands of my heart. The dusty lands of Africa that are parched, cracked and oh, so very thirsty. 

Sometimes when she plays, I hear the thunder, and see the dark storm clouds of His presence start to form. Towering, with lightning. And I hear the deep sound of my God speaking in the currents of the wind. 

How I love those times!

Here's something I wrote over the weekend as I have thought about shalom (Biblical peace), that echoes the cry for rain and the somehow desperation of my heart...

Shalom - not the absence of conflict
But to thrive, to be alive
Shalom - not me in my safe place
But to walk dusty streets in the rain and the sleet
To turn and see, and to be alive

Shalom - to listen, and to hear
And to Stand in the palace of poverty
With the people beloved 

Shalom - the flowersofspringtime
In the wastelands of our lives 
Shalom... We pray for the peace of this city
Oh God, we pray for the rains of your love
On the thirsty lands of our city (and hearts)
 
Jer 29 talks about the plans of God for our lives (hope and a future, to prosper and not to harm). How often we forget that he said that to his people who HE had carried to Bablyon. Maybe some of us have run away to a city to live in. Some of us he himself has carried to specific cities. All of us are in exile from our heavenly home, which is why we live lives of desperation for him and for spiritual life. 

His command is that we put down roots wherever we are. That we love and live and give. That we breathe and see and hear (no scuba tanks or blinkers or fingers in our ears to block out the hurting broken noisy world around us). 

His command is that we pray for the peace of the city he has placed us in. 

People of God, we also need to realise that the church is NOT the kingdom. We are. And when we pray for the rains, we're praying for the rains of God on hearts, on nations and not just a "thing". We are his bride and his beloved. Not the buildings and rules and way we do things. WE are HIS. The church is not more important than the kingdom!

Shalom - not the absence of conflict
But to thrive, to be alive
Shalom - not me in my safe place
But to walk dusty streets in the rain and the sleet
To turn and see, and to be alive

Shalom - to listen, and to hear
And to Stand in the palace of poverty
With the people beloved 

Shalom - the flowersofspringtime
In the wastelands of our lives 
Shalom... We pray for the peace of this city
Oh God, we pray for the rains of your love
On the thirsty lands of our city (and hearts)

Thoughts on a Wednesday mornng. There you go. 

Friday, 7 August 2015

That moment...


... when you realise that the plans for the morning will rearrange so that there is coffee in the house again! The sacred bean appears to have gone AWOL. Sob.

(Oh dear, and I am posting this on my "deepest thoughts" footstool blog. Might have to add it to the family blog too.) 

Monday, 3 August 2015

Just Jane?

Just Jane? Plain Jane? 
No, refrain. 
This lady is NOTHING like plain!
She's a heart who gives like I've never given before
And hands that help to lift up the poor
She's a laugh and a smile to gladden my heart
And a friend who is faithful right from the start. 

Perfect? Oh no, but definitely not plain.
This Jane is one who will dance through the rain
Who has spun through the darkness of despair's deepest pain
She's fought the hard fight - and won again and again
This Jane of all Janes... is simply not just a Jane
She's the song of His heart and carries Heaven's refrain.

(For my dearest friend, Jane. He knows your name!)

Friday, 24 July 2015

Kids who need love...



And I think that the same is true of us as adults. 

With or without you

I can't live without you
In the beating of my heart
And I give myself away
I give myself away
to Live with, just to live with you
I can't live... without you

You are my air, my life
My heartbeat, my being

When I am without you I am stale
I am dry and I rage unknowing
At the separation of my heart from you

And then, when I come to the place of stopping
I find that my heart's hunger was for you

And I am filled, satisfied and alive again
My thirst quenched and my rivers overflowing
With love and peace and room to give my life
Away

<Bring me to that place every day, so that I can live my life filled, not empty> 

Sunday, 24 May 2015

Conversations in the quiver

What do you think your strengths might say about you? 

Before you wonder what on earth (or in heaven) I am talking about, today I learnt about the process of making an arrow. Firstly you have to choose the kind of wood that you will use. Then you need to cut that bough from the tree. Next you shape the basic form of the arrow by cutting off any protrusions, and trimming the rough bough to the length you require. Pull out a sanding block and start smoothing down the rough bits. Oil the wood. Sand it again. Put it down on the workbench while you select the right arrow head - pointed enough to penetrate the target, heavy enough to add weight to the point, and most of all, the right balance for the arrow you are making. Then it's binding the head to the shaft, notching the shaft for feathers which you have carefully selected and shaped for flight. 

When your arrow is ready, it's placed in the quiver, a holding space carefully chosen to store that arrow and keep it safe until the time for use. A quiver is strapped to the archer's body and kept close at all times, within reach, for the moment that an arrow is needed. 

Finally, at the appointed time, the arrow is carefully lifted from the quiver, fitted to the bow, the pressure of the string tensions the wood, and it soars into the air towards the mark. 

You know, God likens us to arrows. Not sure that I like the preparation process! It takes soooo long. And once we are formed, what does He do? Place us in His quiver. To wait and be still in the dark. Yes, the place He has fashioned to hold us, close to His heart, but suspiciously often seemingly dark and sometimes lonely. 

So what do you think those arrows might be saying? If I look at the strengths of my life, each strength can be likened to one of those arrows...

Strategic: "If I just peer out the top, I can see where we need to go. Look, that's what we need to aim for!"

Hey, one of my key strengths is being an activator: "C'mon arrows, it's time to go. I can see the target. When are we going to fly free and true? Hit the mark of the high calling! Let's get flying!"" 

And then there's the woo factor: "SO nice to meet another arrow in the quiver? How did you get here? Tell me about you? What are your hopes? How has the maker fashioned you?"

Belief: "I know that He who formed me has a plan for my flight. His aim is sure."

Communication: "We need to share the story of our making! Let's talk about what our target is and let everyone know."

Then there are some other arrows around me, also in the quiver. 

Listen to the learner: "But I don't want to leave this quiver. There's lots I am learning in this time away from the world! Please let me just stay here a big longer. Flight sounds nice, but I need to research it a bit more."

I know lots of developers:  "Wow, look at the potential you arrows in here have! How can I help you? I want you to be successful. Let's grow together!"

There's Mr Adaptability who keeps all the arrow in the quiver on an even keel: "Don't panic, it will all work out. We're not here forever. Settle into that corner, do your thing. Oh, you're flying next... that's great, we'll move up in here to make more space."

Hmm. Lots of conversations in the quiver. 

(Er hmm. Remind me Lord, that I am one of your arrows, not your bow! You are smoothing me down, oiling me, preparing me, weighting my life to have penetration, shaping my flight feathers and keeping me safe in your quiver, strapped to your heart, until the time you release me to fly.)

Sunday, 10 May 2015

Do we have to walk, limping?

You stepped into time
Eternity made into a minute
Space tied to a breath
And then you flung open your arms
You wept, you walked, you died
You laughed, lived, loved and cried

So that I could run and not just crawl
So that I could walk without a limp
So that love could be made visible
In the invisible places of my heart

I will follow you anywhere

Because you are where
I was born, I live, I will die

Where you lead me
I will follow.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Risk - still thinking about risk.

Last night I was reminded of the woman who had the issue of blood again.

As I reflected on her story, I could taste the dust of the streets and feel the shoving of the crowd as they pressed towards a man with eyes that were tired, yet intensely alive. Sandals slapping on the dirt. Smells of market and animals and food and sweat and refuse. Shouting and laughing and scolding and high children's voices. The rumble of men in conversation and the creaking of wagon wheels. Hot dry air. Beggars crying out.

Risk.

Flip the page. Is the church in Cape Town that woman? That woman/daughter/wife/mother/grandmother/child who has hidden away for the last twelve years? Safe in her house, yet bleeding? Separated from people?

I am wrestling with how often I (the church) retreat to my (our) safe spaces. To my (our) quiet places of order.

Healing was not found in the quiet order of this woman's home. She found Jesus on the noisy, smelly, pushing, changing, turbulent, emotional streets. And seeing Him, had to push into that living swirling mass of life to get close enough to actually touch Him.

#whotouchedme
#risk
#healing
#thechurchisabride

<Are we bleeding in our safe spaces while our healer and lover is walking past on the street outside? Maybe?>

#engagelifeengagepeople

Monday, 6 April 2015

Take the risk!

An Easter service that included the woman who had an issue of blood (for years). That meant the "red tent" and being unclean and feeling miserable and sick and weak and hopeless. That time of month that became that time of year/s. 

Why add the woman into the Easter story? 

Because she took a risk. 

And because He took a risk. 

She took the risk (despite her uncleanness/unworthiness/despair) of following Him through a crowd. 
She stretched out her hand. 

< And there it was! HOPE! Boom! >

He risked everything to stretch out His arms. 
To shout "I love you" 
Through gritted teeth and gasps of breath leaking from His side.
To absorb the shame of nakedness
The pain of lashings
The whips of words "If you are who you say you are..."

And she touched His garment. 

And He died. 

And she was healed. 

I've never heard her name. But she took a risk to live again. To hope. 

< The things we hope for come from the deep longings of our hearts. >

And hope does not disappoint us for God has poured out His love into the human heart. Romans 5. 

Thursday, 19 March 2015

Sitting on a hill

I had the privilege today of "sitting on a hill". Time out to worship, breathe, focus, feel, touch, sense and live. To listen to the whispers of God again midst the shouts of life. To remove myself from the throne of my heart and offer it to my Creator and Lover and Redeemer and Friend. 

And what were the whispers that I heard? I think the first word I heard was "hope". Hope that is for me. And, while I am sitting on this hill, I hear the word "hope" whispered in the breeze that ruffles the trees of our city, Cape Town. It's a caress, and not a blow. 

Did you know that Cape Town was first called "Camissa" or "place of sweet waters" in the Khoi San language?  Read more about it here: http://www.capetownmagazine.com/cape-towns-underground-tunnels 

When I listen to my city, what do I hear? Tears and weeping and fear. The response from heaven? "Comfort, comfort my people. Speak tenderly to them."

So how do I speak to my city? How should I react to the people that I come across who live in my city? In the murk and the fear and division... I take up the call to speak hope as a caress and a promise of real love, offer comfort, speak tenderly always, give kindness, make friends across racial barriers, see the person and not the situation as the person.

We're called to be a City on a Hill which is full of light and salt... "the people walking in darkness have seen a great light".

<Like SALT, God, let who I am be a valuable currency to my city, friends, community. Let me be a preserver. And let me be a light bringer in word and in deed. Let me live in hope, destiny and truth. Let me prophesy hope, destiny and truth. And may you, Cape Town, walk in hope, destiny and truth.>




Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Juggling balls?

Flick. Another ball in the air. 
Organise, fix, shimmy and twirl
The colours mix and whirl
As I swish my hair
And spin, 
To start again. 

#Liveinthemoment

Catch one ball
Lay it aside, gently
Hear a call... "Mommmmm"
Catch another.
Miss the third... "Mommmmy"

#Todayisagift

Time to lay down the balls
And live in the moment 
Of cut knees
Tears, 
Silly jokes and
Homework.
Laughter!
Reading books aloud. 
Whispered prayers. 

#Iamtheonlymommytheyhave

Beep. Brrring. 

#Liveinthemoment
#Todayisagift
#Iamtheonlymommytheyhave
#Putdowntheballs
#Switchoffthephone

EAT  |  PRAY  |  LOVE  | LAUGH  |  PLAY  |  LIVE 


Friday, 30 January 2015

Salt of the earth!

Just got off the phone with a lady from one of the non-profits that I deal with. She very very carefully took down my phone number, and ended the call with "O.....k, I tell him. Sharp!"

Sharp sharp! Love it. 

What a wonderful mix of people and sayings we are!

Monday, 26 January 2015

Whispers over shouts

Borrowed from http://ibloom.co/blog/whispers-win-over-shouts/#.VMYw87Xt7QU.facebook

Let the whispers win over the shouts. 2015 – a new year. Wherever you turn there are shouts to plan, set goals, get organized, get back to good health habits – all those are very good things. But I find when start diving in with vigor it also means my life begins to turn on the hurry. Dallas Willard, spiritual formation author, tells us to guard our soul and ruthlessly eliminate hurry. Yet it creeps in, just like carbs creep back into my eating.
Jeremiah 2:25 (MSG) says, “Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?”
Just what are we after anyway? Yes…you WANT to build your business, you want to make more money, you want to move forward with your dream. But none of that is worth anything if you don’t guard your soul and prepare it for eternity. Dallas Willard also writes, “The most important thing in your life is not what you do; it’s who you become. That’s what you will take into eternity.” Your “who”; your soul; your being. Unhurried. At peace no matter the circumstances. Tuned into God. Listen to the whispers over the shouts.
At iBloom, we give you GREAT steps to take in your business but we also remind you that God is first. God is your director. God gives you your vision. God provides. So go HIS pace. Listen. Breathe Him in.
On Facebook it may seem like everyone else has the perfect marriage, is leaping ahead in their business, has lost 50 pounds, has Mailchimp mastered, blogs everyday, or just launched five new products. Truth is, we celebrate with each person and the steps they take, but no one, NO ONE has it all together. So rest in God. Learn. Take steps as He guides and provides. Connect. Celebrate. Listen to the whispers over the shouts.
Let’s pray from the Psalms.
Psalm 63
You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,
Psalm 103
Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits
Psalm 42
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When can I go and meet with God?
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
 
In our businesses, homes, relationships, Lord, may you be first in our hearts, our actions and our thoughts. Bring satisfaction in the yearning of our souls. May our relationships and businesses reflect YOU at the center of our being. Bless EACH woman in our Inner Circle, in your precious holy name we pray.
Kerry's comment:  AMEN!

Sunday, 18 January 2015

Three things

I picked up our Order of Service amongst some old papers while I was tackling our study, and was struck afresh by the verse at the top of the sheet... 

"Three things lead us to completeness: 
Trust steadily in God, 
Hope unswervingly, 
Love extravagantly. 
And the best of the three is love." 

(I Cor 13)

2015

A year to have expectations for.
2 +0+1+5 = 8
8 = new beginnings
Turn 8 on it's side and you have the sign for Infinity, or the Infinite one

So my lack - is replaced by His richness
My sorrow replaced by His joy
My rags of trying to do it all myself replaced by the robes of His righteousness
My striving replaced by His peace
My lostness replaced by His hope

2015,  a year of beginning afresh because of His grace poured out.

Amen. I like that!